I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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