neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
