You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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