I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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