I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
