Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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