Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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