dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i think i just lost a toe
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
