I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize