if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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