whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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