Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
