Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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