the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
