Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
