Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I puked a lego.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
