I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
