Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
