I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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