ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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