I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
this beer tastes like vomit already
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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