Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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