She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
