oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
