A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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