hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
