If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
