please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
