It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
