ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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