Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
