my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
