I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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