Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
