you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize