What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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