what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
where am i from again
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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