Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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