I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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