Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
