I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
