ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
