u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
