So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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