Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
