I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
