Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
