She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
