i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Did I show you my penis last night?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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