I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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