Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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