tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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