Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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