He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize