I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
