Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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