So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
