If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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