so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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