It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I could make wine with my vomit
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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