I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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