some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
