Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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