it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize