I faked an abortion last night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
